i crawled in bed with mag while she was still sleeping this morning, about 6 a.m., very dark outside, cold, raining, foggy ... just like it was two years ago on the days she was born.
i lay there thinking about where i was at that moment two years ago. in a hospital bed, completely exhausted, strapped up to a million medical devices. i was drugged (don't judge me, honkey) falling asleep (the 1st time in over 2 days, thank you) and thinking ... soon after i wake up, i'm going to have a baby girl. jesus jones. what i didn't know was that my birth experience, what should have been that beautiful, touching, sublime moment would end up like an episode of ER and that i would spend approximately fifteen excruciating minutes with the doctors not being able to findmy daughter's tiny little heartbeat. i held my breath that entire time, i swear i did. and when i heard that first cry ... well ... there is no word for what i felt at that moment. when i get home from work today i'll be watching her birth video, as i will do every year on this day, and bawling my head off.
~*~
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