but. those days are long gone, bugs. you asked for it, so it is ON!

as much as i try to be a good neighbor to the bugs, they don't seem to want to play along. i thought we had an agreement. like with the pigeons. anyway, here's the deal, bugs, don't get on my body. anywhere. not for any reason. unless you're like a ladybug or something like that, and then you hardly count as a bug. but back to my point, don't get on me. there's no reason for it! and as un-girly as i am in many ways (not scared of spiders, snakes, don't shave my legs, etc, etc, etc) (just kidding about that leg thing, btw), when faced with a bug on my skin, i react much like a typical 6-year old drama queen princess type little girl. it's very unbecoming in a woman my age.

and now that you have the context, let me tell you about the worst monday EEEEEEVER. at lunch, i'm walking back to my classroom from the cafeteria. it is achingly beautiful outside after the sheer drudgery of fluorescent light i've been stuck in all day. i'm reveling in the sun when ... enter bug ... some BIG black beetly thing veers right for me. (this is one of the worst things about the big bugs, beetles, june bugs and the like; they just lurch around in the air like drunk drivers, no purpose, no direction, just lunging around until they whack into something. and too often that something is me.) in my panicked haste to duck ... the bug hits me square in the chest where my shirt collar is open ... AND PROCEEDS TO GO STRAIGHT DOWN MY FREAKING SHIRT!!!!

i can only imagine how attractive i looked as i contorted and totally freaked out. i was this close to skinning down in panic.

but i recovered. briefly. bc about four seconds later a wasp decides that if i'm good enough for mr. beetle, i'm good enough for him. so he makes for me. i dodge, he whacks into me (listen closely now) HITTING ME IN THE LIP. a wasp!!!! on my mouth. gaaaaah.

would you blame me if i then ran for the sanctity of the indoors?

as i'm leaving work that day, a mosquito gets a hankering for some dotti blood. after the boob beetle and the lip wasp, i can handle a mosquito... until it decides to try and bite my EYEBALL! i shit you not. three times that fucker tried to suck the delicious juices from my delicate eye hole. when i finally gave it the full head-shake-freak-out, it settled for the tender skin just at the outside crease about one minuscule mosquito hair away from my eyeball.

that's got to be the end, right? i wish.

after getting the family mobilized for shopping, we get in my car (i'd been driving jerm's car earlier) ... to discover that some yellow jackets had somehow infiltrated the interior.

i haven't left the house since. i wonder if you can get one of those bubble-boy bubbles off the internet?