i am so not into christmas this year. not that i'm not into the spirit of it, but ... it's not like i can really do much shopping. or decorating. i mean, we just moved, and the house is full of boxes. i don't even know where my underwear is, let alone the christmas decorations. and i'm a terrible mother, i just found out last night. cause i tried to go to toys-r-us to get some gifts for little magnolia, and she decided to start screaming bloody murder about ten seconds after we walked in the door. so what did i do? i meant to tell her that if she didn't quiet down that we would need to leave the store, go to the car and access the source of the crying (it is typically one of the following: "please feed me some more. yes, i know you just fed me half an hour ago, but i am a boob-junkie." "i seem to have soiled myself. how embarrassing." "i am bored with staring at the top of this car seat and angry that my neck muscles don't seem to work properly."), which would obviously interfere with our attempts to shop for christmas gifts.

what did i actually say? to my tiny little five-week-old daughter who doesn't even speak english yet? and what statement was overhead by about three other people in the store who proceeded to give me much deserved go-to-hell looks? "look, young lady, if you don't quiet down, you won't be getting anything for christmas!"

call dhs.

but before you do, consider this piece of evidence showing that i am a good mother. later that night i noticed that she had some shmutz on her face, and without even thinking about it, i licked my finger and wiped it off. now that's good parenting. ask any feline.