alright diary, you asked for it. i'm gonna update today if it kills me! or you! i'm gonna update even if it's nothing but mindless blather and boring drivel. (you're thinking, oh, as opposed to all the other high drama you've given us in the past? exactly.)

first: a question. what the hell is up with the frat boys and st. patrick's day? no seriously. i mean, my take on the situation is that they just use the day as an excuse to go out and get wasted. as opposed to every other day?? i mean come on. and what do you think the irish think of that, hmm? i mean, really, what would you think if the japanese started celebrating july 4th as some sort of red-white-&-blue-jello-shots holiday? ... actually, you're right, that would be kinda cool.

second: a problem. fu and squeek made me watch this awesome crazy-ass saturday morning cartoon from the 70's, and i have had crazy-ass acid dreams ever since! i have visions of chickaphants and elephickles disco-dancing in my dreams.

third: a comment. i never thought i'd utter these words in my life, but this hot chocolate is "too chocolately." ahem. i'm having some problems with changing taste buds lately. brb, gotta add more milk.

fourth: two stories. shabbydee told me to have some adventures, so's i'd have something to tell you all � well, i had a couple last night. against my will.

i've got these two tiny dogs (disclaimer: i'm not technically the type of person to have little yappy lap dogs, but a) these dogs chose me, not vice versa, and b) they are really really sweet. i'll put up pics tomorrow and you can judge for yourself.), and i'm not supposed to have dogs where i live, so when they are staying at my place, they don't get to hang out outside all that much. which turns out to be a pretty good thing after what happened last night. see, we live somewhat on the edge of town. ish. near a creek. basically what i'm getting at is there is an awful lot of nocturnal wildlife 'round our place. therefore, when i take the dogs out to pee in the wee hours (they really enjoy 3 am for some effin reason), i am always really careful. i turn on the back porch light, take my flash light, put on shoes, just in case i have to run anything off or anything. all these precautions, yet so far, i haven't had to fight off any creatures -- and i would be the one fighting them off, too, cause these dogs weigh in at a whopping seven pounds TOGETHER. anyways, jerm takes them out before we go to sleep, and it seems to have taken an inordinately long amount of time � he comes back in, a little flushed, i might add, and tells me that the dogs have just met an armadillo. crikey! have you ever seen the claws on one of those mothers? i mean, one swipe could disembowel a tiny rat dog like mine! i was about to FREAK out. apparently, he pokes his head out from a crawl space under our house (the armadillo, not jeremy), and of course the dogs wig out over it, so jeremy tries to chase it away. mr. armadillo, of course, having a teeny little brain, just kinda looks at jeremy and goes, 'huh?' so jeremy moves in kinda close and - this is so insane - thumps the armadillo on the shell. nothing. he still just sits there staring at them like an idiot. jeremy makes a good point, "i'm just glad it wasn't a skunk �"

okay, so when the dogs decide at 3 am that they simply cannot wait another 3 hours, they wake me up. i'm extra cautious now after the armadillo incident, so i take all the usual precautions, plus the added step of walking the perimeter of their preferred pee spot, just to make sure mr. armadillo doesn't come out for an encore performance. i let the dogs out, walking around the yard to keep on eye on things while they do their business. pepsi (yes, pepsi) gets done, so i let her back in so i only have starbucks (that's right) to stand guard for. she likes to take her time and piddle around, so i guess maybe i let my guard down or something, because oh holy jesus what do i see come charging around the corner of the house, but a FREAKING SKUNK!!! and I mean this mother is HAULING ass, straight towards us! starbucks and i both see him at the same time and freeze. all the while mr. stinky is closing the distance between us. now, starbucks has a tendency to run toward anything she sees in the outdoors, regardless of size, ferocity, or stench. so i let out this panicked, shrill little yelp at her; "starbucks, come here, NOW," and thank all that is not rancid, for once in her life she obeyed me, and we RAN into the house, faster than i have ever run in my entire life. my heart was beating so fast, i thought it was gonna explode; about 10% from the sprinting, and about 90% from the near-stinkifying. if you have ever been sprayed by a skunk or whiffed someone who has, you will understand my fear. i don't care how cute pepe is on those cartoons, his ass STANKS!