okay here's the story my big sister woke me up with this morning:
(oh and please keep in mind that as i read this tale, i am seven months pregnant ... that translates to only twelve weeks away from crapping out a baby!!)

From: "Debbie"
Subject: The things we do....
Date: Thu, 15 Aug 2002 23:25:07 -0500

I got to do something new today that I've never done before! I came home to find one of our cows with her vagina hanging out. I got to stuff it back in for her. The vet told me what to do over the phone and our neighbor happened to be out in his pasture and came to help. Not only was this gross, it was also very difficult. It was like taking a half deflated basketball and stuffing it into a baseball sized hole. Once we got it all poked back in, the neighbor told me to just keep my hands flat on her and apply pressure. Hopefully, things would fall back into their natural place inside. So, he goes to do something else and I'm standing there with both hands covering up the big old cow's poon, when she lets go with a gully washer. I was afraid to release pressure with her straining to pee so, the result was like putting your thumb over the end of a garden hose. She sprayed piss like the wake on a ski boat. The neighbor came back around the corner shortly after to see me standing there soaking wet, desperately searching for a dry spot on my shirt to wipe my face off with both hands still firmly holding the cows business in place. Curt called from Houston not long after that. He didn't talk long but the conversation was definitely about getting out of the cattle business ...

when i email my sister back and tell her never, ever, ever tell a pregnant woman a story like that, my other sister sends this bit of wisdom:

"Aw, don't worry. This doesn't happen to humans.
When our vaginas fall out, they reinsert them with sterile surgical intruments!!"