in other news, i am thoroughly exhausted and depressed. not with my own life, because that's going great, but with the lives of my families. jerm's family is full of really great people that are just having the worst freaking luck ever. and my family is just becoming more and more fractured every day. for no good reason.

but here is the worst thing ... the really depressing thing. i look at my tiny little daughter, and she's just so completely amazing. i mean, every moment i'm away from her, i miss like ... well, like i would miss oxygen if you held my head underwater. i think i would move heaven and earth to get back to her if i had to. and it just makes me wonder ... how my own dad could have let my life unfold without him. i mean, he doesn't really know anything about me; he wasn't around when i was growing. and that was his choice. and i don't get it.