my office smells funny. or rather, i suppose it's something in my office that smells funny. i used to go backpacking now and then, and this office smell reminds me of this horrid smell from my backpacking days. no, not b.o. it's worse, in some ways. less organic. see, you have to put all your food, your toothpaste, gum, anything smelly all in this one big bag and hang it on a high branch of a tall tree and sort of away from the trunk so that the bears can't get it. hence it's name, the bear bag. cause you would rather have the bears sniffing around the bear bag looking for delicious treats than doing so at the door of your tent, no? yes. well, there is something awful about instant soup, tea, sugar, tortillas, toothpaste, etc all steeping together in this one plasticy bag for a whole week of trekking that produces a really unpleasant funk. it's sort of a warm, moist piece of bread with mayonaise sitting in direct sunlight. i can't describe it. but somehow, something in my office has developed a similar smell. and i am not certain how much longer i can stand it. i slather myself with this pungent tangerine spice body lotion, but that only holds it at bay so long.

and there is a woman who works just down the hall from me who wears her hair in a bun every single day. and every single day she complains about how much trouble she had getting her hair in the bun this morning. she is late every single day and blames it on the bun every single day. it's really tired. i'm sorry, but i'm thinking that if you do this crap every morning of your effin life, it shouldn't be that effin hard, and if it is that hard, if it really is soooo difficult to get your hair up like that every day ... then don't. i mean, is that REALLY so hard to understand?!

well, i had kind of had it with her yesterday, plus i was feeling like dogshit, so i wasn't in the mood to listen to her hairstyling crises. so she's yapping away with her, 'sorry i was late, but my hair yap yap yap' as though i really care anyway. i mean we don't even work together. if she wants to come in at 330 every afternoon, what difference is that to me? and i don't know where it came from, but i say, 'maybe you should try hairdini.' i'm totally joking of course. not cause i think this is a bad product, just cause i didn't think people really ordered stuff like that off tv.

her response? 'actually i use hairagami. it's much better.'

yeah i was speechless.