umm, so i once wrote about how wonderful and sparkling and lovely the bathrooms are out here where i work. i have never seen even one stray tampon wrapper on the floor or anything. lovely. pristine. they even give you those little toilet-seat-cover thingies in every restroom, and they are never out of them! you know, not like when you go to the movies and they have the little toilet-seat-cover-thingy dispenser on the wall of the stall, but there aren't EVER any little toilet-seat-cover thingies in there! they even seem immune to that public-restroom-stank that the rest of the world has to deal with.

until today.

today, i walked into the restroom after lunch, and stall one (my preferred) was ocupado so's i mosied on over to stall two ... it is at this moment that i start to realize that something ain't right. something is seriously wrong in the tidy-bathroom universe. there is what can only be described as a "vomit smell" in the air. now i'm not trying to gross anybody out here (okay, maybe a little), i'm just being honest. there is nothing else like that smell, and i was smelling it. so i walk into stall two, shut and latch the door behind me, turn around ... and there it is. yep, right there, on the floor, right near but not remotely in the toilet ... yak. vomit, spew, hork, hurl, url, chow, chunks. not a lot, but seriously, is not even a teeny tiny bit too much?? and i can't help but look at it. i know i know this is so vile and hideous, but it was like a train wreck. and i couldn't help standing there and thinking about what had led to this. what makes a person so desperate that she is sitting at her desk, getting a little woozy, feeling her stomach rumbling, turning a little green, doing that bile-burping thing, and thinking, "omg, i am going to yak right here at work in the middle of the afternoon," and she tears out, makes it all the way out of her office, around the corner, through the bathroom door, into stall two and stands right above the toilet bowl .. and she misses? that is just wrong. on so many levels. i suppose me writing about it isn't helping matters.

regardless, it all got so much worse cause at this moment i decide, man i gotta get the hell outta here. no bodily function is worth this; i can hold it! and i turn and walk out - at this exact moment another woman walks into the bathroom and past me into stall two. i am washing my hands, even though i didn't take a leak, just in case some puke germs floated up on me, you know, and i hear her shut and latch the door ... and i realize exactly what is going on in there. she is doing just what i did, she is staring at that weird little puke pattern on the floor ... and thinking it was me. then i hear her start to unlatch the door, and ... and i ran. just completely took off. i don't know if she got a good look at me or not. i just panicked. oh noooo, i just know that now i'm going to be thought of as the horker. they already think i'm an alcoholic ... this just fits right in ...

squeeky just called and said she was going to refer to me from now on as "puke fugitive." teehee!