okay, as promised, here is my accounting of the recent cheese fiasco.

well, in all my years of working in food service, i have finally come to the conclusion that something as innocuous and seemingly enjoyable as free food, can really bring out the worst in people.

sunday night i catered this customer appreciation party at a major department store that shall remain nameless. so they had a pretty small budget and ordered only fruit, cheese and dessert trays, and punch. and you might be saying to yourself, "hmm that really doesn't sound like much food..." but at this time i would like to remind you that this food is frickin' free!! sorry. moving on ... so we set up all the food and begin pouring the punch. and you would not believe the hoards of hungry shoppers that immediately descended upon us ... something like a pack of wild dogs on a wounded beast. add to the freebie-seeking consumers a ravenous perfume-counter staff. i'm telling you, those tiny little chanel chickies can put it away. this one, on her fourth time through the line, actually acknowledged her greed and apologized for it.

so about an hour into the three-hour tour, we run out of cheese. well, as i mentioned earlier, they didn't have a big budget, and we still had plenty of other stuff, so we weren't too worried. what fools we were!! we underestimated, to use a clich�, the power of cheese. approximately ten seconds after the last piece of cheese is consumed, the next person in line says,

"don't you have any more cheese?"
me: "i'm sorry, we're all out."
greedyboy: "no really, there's more, right?"
me: blank stare of confusion. "um, no i'm sorry, sir, we really are all out."
greedyboy: disgusted look of revulsion. "oh that's just great."

and so on. personally, i survived this conversation in varying degrees of intensity exactly nine times in those last two hours. the most noteworthy involved an employee in the purses. i'm walking past her, fully laden with empty silver trays (i.e. very heavy crap), and she stops in front of me, blocking my exit:

bitchy mcsnipe: "are you going to bring out more cheese?"
me: "i'm sorry, but we completely ran out about an hour ago."
bitchy mcsnipe: hateful stare. "you RAN OUT???"
me: "umm, yeah. i'm sorry. it seems to be very popular tonight."
bitchy mcsnipe: in a tone of voice that makes it painfully clear that she sees me as a completely inadequate excuse for a waitress. "how could you RUN OUT of CHEESE?"

you can see where it's going. you would think that was enough badgering for her, BUT NOOOOOOO. same scenario about half an hour later; i'm walking past her again, when she turns to the other purse lady and says, "can you believe they RAN OUT of CHEESE??"

it is at this moment, when i very nearly completely freak the hell out on this woman! i begin taking deep breaths and counting. i see red. i am picturing a full-out sissyfight complete with hair pulling and eye scratching. and i am totally confused. do you think these people realize that they can BUY CHEESE AT THE GROCERY STORE? i mean seriously, ladies, it's called homeland. walk in the front door, turn left and go to the dairy section. then proceed to shutthehelluprightnow!! or perhaps i need anger-management counseling?